Red's Blog - 27.10.09

Hello Redsters!
How’s things?

I haven’t done anything to speak of, this week. It’s all been very boring. Just sitting about eating Wotsits and playing with my wi… no, wait. I HUNG OUT WITH 50 CENT!!! But apart from that I’ve mostly just been scratching my a… no, I HUNG OUT WITH ASHLEY COLE!!! But yeah, as I was saying, pretty quiet week. Apart from when I went to the DEAD MAN RUNNING PREMIERE!!!

Now, I’m no gossip columnist and I certainly don’t want to come over all Zoe Griffin, but rubbing shoulders with the stars is something I could get used to. It certainly makes a nice change from a hard day in the office, being ordered to the corner shop by Sir Dickie to get his paper and garibaldi’s.

I went to see the new action flick with my mate Danny Dyer, mainly in the hope of some free Mojitos and finger food. Then before I could grab a handful of quails eggs, Fiddy’s got me in his firm manly grip, chatting away like we were best homies. After that, they all wanted a piece of my fur. You can see the pics up at my Facebook. We’re talking, Rio Ferdinand, Tamer Hassan, Brenda Blethyn, DJ Ironik, er, Tiny Iron. That’s right, look impressed.

But that’s definitely all I’ve been up to. Yep, just mooching about at my pad, fiddling with my ba… DID I TELL YOU I WENT BACKSTAGE AT THE X FACTOR!!? That was pretty amazing. I got to see Jamie eating his dinner. That afro is even bigger in real life. I tried to hide in it but he wasn’t having any of it. Might grow one myself.

So all that action meant I had to V+ Restaurant In Our Living Room, but it was well worth it. Naughty hairs in the ice cream! Barf. Reminds me of when I went for dinner at ****** ******’s house. She looked such a clean girl on the telly, as well. I’ve still got Moonlight to catch up on so no one tell me what happened. Ssh! No, I’m putting my fingers in my ears. La, la, la, can’t hear you!

Right then, I’ll leave you with some advice from a book I’ve borrowed from the library entitled ‘The Lover’s Guide – pop-up edition’:

“Make sure your surroundings are perfect for lovemaking. Shut the door, turn off the lights and make sure your handbrake is on (especially if you’re parked on a hill).”

Makes you think, doesn’t it? Ta ra!