Red's Blog

Alright Redsters? How are you feeling?

Like you, I’m still in shock about the weekend’s result. How could they have let Craig Kelly go? Granted, he wasn’t the best dancer on Strictly but… Nah, course not. I was watching The X Factor like everyone else in the world. I’m a bit upset. Lucie was flipping gorgeous. She had everything except red hair (and we could fix that). If Nicola ever decides she doesn’t want me I could see myself in the arms of Ms Jones. She looks like she’d be up for it. And by ‘it’ I mean staying up all night playing Boggle and eating Battenberg straight from the packet. Cor.

Anyone who follows me on Twitter (@redjustred – do say hello) will have noticed I was a bit the worse for wear on Friday morning. I don’t quite know what happened. One minute I was at the MTV EMAs, the next thing I know I’m re-enacting the Robbie Williams Rock DJ video at a Berlin discothèque, surrounded by scantily clad go-go dancers - with suspiciously large hands - and Paul Danan (the only person wearing sunglasses in a night club). I woke up with a headache, sore fur and a hotel bathroom full of pot plants. I’m never drinking Tizer again.

However, I did get some amazing, exclusive gossip to share with you. I don’t know if this’ll get passed the Virgin 1 lawyers but basically **** ******* was there, completely ******. And then, suddenly, ******** ****** turns up and starts *********. Well, ****** ******** is ******** and starts ******** ****** and by the time **** ********* has finished, there’s nothing left but a ********, two rather disorientated ******* and a punctured *****. The cleaning bill alone is said to be in the thousands. Shocking, eh? I’m gonna find it difficult to watch Spring Watch again.

In amongst my varied telly watching diet of Restaurant In Our Living Room (amazing) and Chuck (still amazing, obviously) I’ve been enjoying watching Will Mellor and Joe Pasquale in jail. Prisoner X lets celebrities experience what it’s like behind bars. Actually, it’s a pretty serious show which looks into how hard it is for inmates. I can do serious you know. I’m not just a fun, furry face.

And just to prove what a thoughtful guy I am, here’s some spiritual words of peace from a book called ‘Raising Your Self Esteem – For Dummies’:

"Shed the light of boundless love on every human being whom you meet. Unless they’re a bit of a git, in which case stuff ‘em.”

Makes you think.
Ta ra!